HIATUS vs M.I.A. vs INTERMISSION?

Where have I been? I don't even know for sure. You vote: HIATUS vs M.I.A. vs INTERMISSION?


To those who have contacted me, I will be updating the least wanted list sooner than later. Thanks for checking in.

x0x
leelee

018 Biff Retch

His Icebreaker: “I'm alright."

You've seen him. He is usually down on all fours. His breath smells of  beer vomit residue and semi-digested pretzels that have been marinated 
in stomach acids. 

You must have seen him, he is always sporting the latest in designer sweat stains and crusts of dried puke on his signature black teeshirt. A true pioneer, he was the first of his generation to physically inhale beer. 

The night ends when every surface on his body is smack against the pavement.

Approach him if you enjoy doing laundry.



 

016 Bill Mee

His Icebreaker: “I'll get it next time."

You sooooo know him. He's the guy who always forgets his wallet. He's always the last to reach for the bill. And without fail, always orders the filet mignon. Then, suggests you split the bill evenly.
That is, you pay all of it.


He is anatomically correct. Yet, his arms do not reach his pockets. Same difference. Particularily since the only thing you will find inside his pockets is lint.

He might have dated Beyonce over a decade ago. The one she sings about in Bills, Bills, Bills. Imagine being stuck with a triflin' good for nothing type.  
No worries, everything was placed to the left, to the left. Yes, everything he owned in the box to the left. Including the left over filet mignon from last night's date. ... In the closet, that's HER stuff.

Thank God Jay-Z came along.


Approach Bill Mee, if you are into the sugarmama thing.

Saturday Morning Delights

(absolutely delightful... until someone tried to ruin it.)

Great illustration found on the business card

 Enjoying a lovely cappuccino and mini-amandine with a lovely pal, while sitting at a lovely sidewalk terrace - chairs set-up Parisian style. A handsome man sits two tables to the left. He is enjoying a captivating news article.  My pal and I are soaking up the sun. Pleasant start to any day, right?

No doubt! That is until a less handsome man sitting one table to the left, drops his croissant on the ground...  In less then 56 seconds, he picks it up, shakes it off, AND... eats it!

I can only imagine the microscopic horrors that latched onto the bottom of his croissant. Anything ranging from pee residue of dogs that had sat at that very spot only moments before... to the gunk from someone's shoe. Not to mention the bits of pebbles that you expect to find on sidewalks.  It is called the 2 second rule, dear sir, NOT the 2 minute rule. Regardless,  I believe there are limits to the 2 second rule.

Dude, my pal and I would kindly pool together our money and give you two dollars to purchase a new croissant. Just ask.

What can I say, I guess he is passionate about the croissants. You can imagine how wonderful they are! The name of the spot: Boulangerie de Froment et de Sève (2355 rue Beaubien E. Montreal).

011 Juana Salsa

Her Icebreaker: “Wanna dance?”

You must know her. She flamencos, glides, sashays, slides, salsas, and twirls her way right through any room. All the while shouting “cuchi-cuchi” as she shakes her ta-ta’s in your face.

You know her kind, she says she has Spanish roots. Her great-grandfather’s dog’s breeder was from Barcelona. And her aunt’s best friend is from Madrid. So... you know, they must be related. The truth is, she was born in Fort Worth, Texas.

Juana you are not Charo. You can never be. Charo studied classical guitar. You studied classical Spanglish.

Approach her if you are bored.

005 Mariah Freezedriedz

Her Icebreaker: “How do I look? ...How about now?... and now?”

You’ve seen her. She poses relentlessly. She is one of those girls who ALWAYS thinks that she is on camera. When she finds her perfect cover girl pose, she can keep it for days. 

She is not fond of complicated movement. Walking is ok; running is a no-no; riding shotgun in any German- engineered ride is euphoric. She does not dance, simply because she can’t, and sex is tolerated.

You must have heard about her. She is one that commissioned a wax statue of herself from Madame Tussauds. That did not go well. Especially since, the wax artist was rushed to hospital for shock. He accidently tried to remove excess wax from the ear and nostril areas. He quickly discovered that he was no longer working on the wax figure, once blood started to pour out of her right ear. 

These are the sort of things that happen when your pulse beats at less than 20 beats per minute. Girl, MOVE!

She matches up well with necrophiliacs. Ask her out if you are into hybrid corpses.

004 Rex Conner

His Icebreaker: “I’ll call you.”

 You’ve seen him. He sports a soul patch. He believes it to be the least conspicuous spot on his body to hide weapons. You’ve heard of him. Rumour has it that he is the illegitimate son of Charles Ponzi. But this rumour is  questionable, seeing as I made it up... just now.

Of course, you are the one to befall upon the 1 out of 272 million sociopaths worldwide. Sheer luck! Given that the world’s population is 6,852,472,823. Obviously this is big. Especially since it is not the type of math that can be solved on just any random calculator.

He’s the guy who says, “I’ll call you”. But never does. Maybe it’s because he is back in jail. Maybe it’s because he has Machiavelli-ed* his ass out of here.

Approach him if you are interested in 25 to life. 

022 Duke Stalkwalker

His Icebreaker: “... What a coincidence."

You’ve seen him...
The guy who always gets there right before you do. Every time you turn around, he is just outside the limits outlined by the restraining order. You wonder if you are destined to be together. Maybe it is the universe’s way of telling you something. Then, it dawns on you. You’re crazy. There is no way in hell that the universe is that cruel. 

You know... he is the one who sprints off, at the first sign of a siren.

Don’t approach him. Ever.