018 Biff Retch

His Icebreaker: “I'm alright."

You've seen him. He is usually down on all fours. His breath smells of  beer vomit residue and semi-digested pretzels that have been marinated 
in stomach acids. 

You must have seen him, he is always sporting the latest in designer sweat stains and crusts of dried puke on his signature black teeshirt. A true pioneer, he was the first of his generation to physically inhale beer. 

The night ends when every surface on his body is smack against the pavement.

Approach him if you enjoy doing laundry.